A Lonley soul

''We live in a world, there everyone must look the same. the one that sticks out from the crowd must be bullied. Everyone is killing their faces with makeup. Others kill their bodies by training too much. Others Starv themself to look like barbies. that will lead them too their death. This is a story about me, Mary Cartwright.''

everything is so dark.. i dont know witch way to turn. I dont wanna be here. i just wanna die. It all began like this..
Just a normal day in school, everything was fine until.

''Come'on then! stand up bitch!'' a boy screamed down the hall, everybody ran there and just had too watch what's going on. ''I said STAND UP!!'' the boy screamed again and took the girl who laid on the floor in her shirt and pulled her up, and pushed her too the wall. ''What the fuck did you say too my teaher about the test I cheated on!'' he screamed right in her face, ''I haven't said anything to your teacher.'' she said and was trying to not get eye contact with him. ''Why the fuck did he gave me an F on it then! i know you saw me with that note!'' he said, ''No i swear i didn't say anything!'' she looked straight into his eyes. the boy let her go for a second, and said that she could walk away now with a sneaky smile on his face. when the girl turned around and was about too walk away, the boy pushes her to the ground and screamed at her. ''You're fucking slut! im gonna fucking kill your family!''.the girl held her arms around her head and was about too pull her legs up to her stomach, when she suddenly felt a pain on her body. when she looked up it was the boy. he was kicking her with all his power right in her stomach. she couldn't breath, then suddenly.. everything stopped. everything got quite. the girl was shivering. she didn't want to open her eyes. she layed there for minutes, then she looked up. everybody was gone.. she stood up, and brushed her clothes of from the dirt that was on the floor, she was hurting by the ribs. She didn't want too meet that guy again.. Bryan.. Yuk! that name just ecos in my head she tought. Trying too walk with her ribs hurting, she began to walk out from school and go home. but one thing she didn't know, was that someone was following her.

she walks under a bridge, suddenly someone tripped her. she turned around fast and just freezed, she couldn't move. it was him. ''w-what are you doing B-Bryan'' she said. Bryan just stared at her and said. '' you fucking hoe.'' and forced her to lay on her stomach. it was hurting so much. ''w-what are you doing with me Bryan!!'' she yelled, he hit her in the head and said '' Shut up hoe!''. He was trying to pull her pants down, she was starting to kick with her legs, he punshed her again in the head and was yelling her to stop. when the pants was down, he ripped her underwears apart. took out hit penis, and forced it into her vagina. she screamed. he held in her hair and pushed her face to the ground, ''scream all you got! nobody can hear your screams!'' he said. The girl was so empty, she couldn't even hear her own screams. when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. then a few minutes later he stopped. and stood up over her, he took her hair and pulled her up, and said '' if you go to the police and say this, and say that i did it.. im gonna find you. and kill you slowly.'' he let her hair go and she fell to the ground, and just walked away. she laid on her back and pulled her pants up. and sat up on the ground. she was hurting so much in the chest, she could'nt cry, her face was empty of feelings. she began to stand up really slow with the help of the wall. She Began to walk home once again.. this time she was trying to walk faster with the chest hurting. The time home usually takes 15 minutes, now it took her about 5 minutes.

When she was finally home, the closed the door quite and locked it fast. She walked up to her room, closed the door behind her, and was trying to hear if someone else was home. Nobody was, only she was home. She sat down with her back against the door.. and just bursted out in tears, she didn't know what to do about this.. she had been raped.
Raped.. i think its the worst word of them all. especially for girls.. because we girls are the one that encounter this kind of stuff. and i think that is terrible.

The next day at school the girl wasn't there. The teacher asked her class if they knew where she was, ''I have no idea where she can be, but i saw her yesterday under a bridge just sittin and waiting for someone'' Bryan said, ''did you see who it was maybe?'' asked the teacher. ''it was a guy, thats all.'' he said.

Back home at the girls place, she haven't left the room since she came home the day before. Her mom was worried, but she said she was fine, just felt a little sick thats all. She belived her. The days just went by, and the girl didn't go too school for about 2,5 weeks. her mom started too think what the problem could be. So she went up to Marys room, knocked on the door, and walked in. ''I think we should go too the doctors office with you, you have been home for 2,5 weeks now. i wanna know whats the problem is.'' said her mom, ''no i dont wanna go to the doctor, i dont wanna go too school. im sick, i dont wanna go out at all.'' she said back. ''well you have to go someday too school. you cant always be home.'' her mom said and closed the door.

Mary was all alone, she heard her mom left the house and locked the door behind her. then everything was quiet. She started some music, and turned it up too the highest. then she sat on her floor. took her little box that was under her bed, it was hidden way in under the bed, so no one would found it. She opened the box, and said to herself '' i have too d this, for my own best..'' She took out some stuff from the box. a bandage, pads, toilet paper and a razor blade. She took the razorblade, its was all new. put it on her forearm, and sliced it up. it was about 5 mm deep, she did that, over and over again, until her arm was all destroyed. the blood was everywhere.
She went too the bathroom, took a bowl of water, and went in to her room again. She took some pads and dipped them into the water bowl, with freezing cold water. and started too wash her wounds. it was painfull, but she had too do it. when the washing was done, she put some bandage over it, so it wouldn't be blood on the clothes.
when Mary was all done, she put all the stuff into the box again, and hide the box under her bed. and then she went and put on a long-sleeved shirt. so no one will notice it.

about 2 hours later, her mom came back home, she was out shopping food and some clothes. She called Mary downstairs and asked her too come and look at some shirt she has bought too Mary. Mary went slowly down the stairs, acting sick. her mom held up the shirts, and it was awesome shirts, but the thing is that they are short-sleeved, and her arm.. she couldn't show her arm too her mom.. her mom would put her in psycho hospital. ''They are nice'' she said, ''Try them on Mary! i wanna see you in them! :)'', Mary screamed inside, and finally said '' no i dont wanna try them out.'', ''why not?'' her mom asked. Mary was trying too come up with some idea, and then it hit her '' i dont wanna show my body too you, you know, im a teen now. you know how it feels, you have also been a teen mom.'' Her mom just looked at her with the strangest face ever. '' i've seen your body before young lady, if you wanna have these shirts, you try them on and show me, if you dont try them on, im giving them to charity.'' I just wanted too show her my arm.. but i didn't do it, so i said she could give them too charity.

I went up too me room again, and after i closed the door, my mom yelled that i needed too go and take i shower, because she is forcing me too school tomarrow. I just wanted to cry, i didn't want to go too that awful school, and see him in the eyes. but I couldn't say anything, so i just yelled back OK. and went in too the shower, and started the water.. the hot water made my arm hurt on my scares. i regret them now.

After about 3 weeks with no school. i was forced back there. but that day Bryan wasn't there. I was glad about it, but the other guys was still screaming at me down the hallway. and throwing stuff at me. but still.. i was glad Bryan wasn't there. and it was a friday so i had 2 days free spare time. until it was school again.

The days just flew away.. and it was monday. i went slowly too school.. I regret all this.. I dont wanna go to the school.. I dont wanna see him. he scares me, he hurts me inside.. and outside..

I went inside the school and walked too my locker, and took out my books and hang my jacket in there. Suddenly..

''Ey! the Emo is back dudes!'' a guy said.. and the words just cut me inside.. i opened my bag, and took out a razorblade. everyone looked at me as I walked fast by too the toilet. I sat down on the floor and pulled up my armsleeve. and started.. the blood ran down my arm and dripped down on the floor. All the thoughts just disappeared when the blood pulsed out of my arm.

The day was slow.. I sat in the classroom all the time, all the breaks, the whole lunch. I was afraid too walk home.. so i sat about an hour until everybody was gone. i walked to my locker. and took my stuff and started too walk home. i had full volume in my headphones, and didn't notice anything happen around me. but then.. someone pushed me too the wall.

''hello again, emo.'' a voice said, i looked up and saw him.. Bryan. ''what do you want me Bryan!?'' I said. He looked at me with a grin. ''You remember where we left before some weeks ago?'' he still had that grin in his face. my eyes started to tear up.. he pushed me again against the wall. this time it ws harder and he rubbed himself against me..''Do you remeber now!?'' he said. ''Please stop.. please'' i said to him. '' this is nothing you can stop.. ever.''
And it was all over again.. he raped me. again.. and again.. no one was there, until he left. everytime.

I sat in my room once again.. crying. my mom wasn't home, so she couldn't hear me. i pulled up my armsleeve and looked at mr scars. they are so beautiful. I looked at my box at my desk.. I sat by my desk and took out a paper and a pen. and started too write. Write a note to my mom. then i took my box, with all my pictures and razors in there.
I sat down in the bathtub. took the new razor.. and put it against my wrist.. and cut.. cut deep. so the blood just pulsed out fast.. very fast. The note was on the box at the toilet. the door was closed but not locked.. I held a picture of my mom near my heart. i cried.. but i didn't want too live with all this.. live with Bryan.. raping me. being called stuff in school. and nobody cared at all.

Then.. I was gone.

Mom came home about an hour after that. and shouted that she was home. she didn't get a response. she walked up too my room, i wasn't there.. wierd she tought. she looked all around the house. but i wasn't anywhere. until she walked into the bathroom. Bursted out in tears.. se saw me. in the bathtub, laying in my own blood, she saw the note on the box. and read it to herself.

''Hi mom! ehm.. i don't really know how too say this, when you have seen my body like that.. but I love you mom.. i do love you. You hasn't done anything wrong. You was the greatest mother, The Very Best. The thing is.. i killed myself because of the school. i didn't want too tell you about it, because i didn't know how your reaction would be.. so i just kept it too myself. and it worked for a long time.. until a few weeks ago.. when a guy.. raped me under the bridge on my way home after school. i think he will say his name when you read this out loud too the class, but i don't know.. these things have been going on for years.. but this raping just a few weeks.. I love you mother.. and hope you will find peace.. i found my peace now. See you on the other side when its your time XOXO Your daughter Mary.''

Mom burst out in more tears.. Then she opened the box and looked at all the pictures of my scars and pictures of me and her together, when i was really happy..
She slowly went too the bathtub on her knees. and looked at me as a laid there peacefully, with the picture of her against my heart. she took me up in her arms and hugged me tight and cried for hours.

She had lost her beautiful daughter.

a few days after she had let the ambulance people help with Marys body, and took care of it until the Funeral day was choosen. She went too school, and the school didn't know anything, she knocked on the door.. and slowly walked in. She told everybody Mary was dead, and read up the letter.. Bryan sat there.. and looked down on his bench and felt like a complete dumbass. Then.. suddenly he stood up and beg Miss Cartwright too talk face to face.
They walked outside the door.. and he told her everything.. She cried and screamed out, '' YOUR RAPED MY DAUGHTER YOU FUCK! YOU WILL NEVER FORGET THIS, THIS WILL BE IN YOUR MIND UNTIL YOU DIE, YOU MADE A GIRL KILL HERSELF!!''
She had the police with her. they took care of Bryan, and told Miss Cartwright to drive home and think of the funeral instead.

The funeral day.
everybody was there.. people from school, relatives, her mom.. and even people that she didn't even know. A camera crew also from the TV. Everybody cried.. also Bryan was there with the police. He had ended up in juvenile prison for all he did against Mary.
They all said goodbye.. and left alot of white roses on her coffin. everybody came out too the graveplace where she was going too lay in her coffin in the ground. Her mom said a few last words for her daughter Mary.

'' Mary.. you were my only daughter.. so beautiful. you didn't do anything wrong, so I dont understand why this all had too happen to you.. MY daughter.'' she started too cry but kept going
''i hope you have more peace now then you had before.. I just hoped that you could have told me something so i could have helped you, but now its done.. you're dead. You couldn't handle it anymore. so i say this to all of you selfharmers and victims outthere in the world.. Stay strong, tell someone you need help.. if you've been raped.. tell someone, point out the person who did it. and make that person suffer for what it has done.
If you hurt yourself with razors.. please tell someone, a person who is near too you.. please don't hold it in. YOU are beautiful. EVERYBODY is beautiful.. dont let this happen too yourself, dont kill youself just too get notice by everybody you have hurt you, yes you are scared for life form these persons, but dont let it turn to take suicide.. I love you all out there.. Stay strong!..''
Then she couldn't hold it in anymore.. and burst out in tears, and laid her Pink rose on all the White roses, and said goodbye..for the last time..

''Goodbye Mary.. Goodbye my beutiful daughter.. ''

The End.

Detta fick mig att lipa i slutet när jag skrev det. jag vill få fram saker genom detta osv. hoppas ni gillar den.